Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
