someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish there were birth control emojis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
