We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize