i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Randomize
