I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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