if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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