I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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