Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize