It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
