He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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