Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
