We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
