Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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