I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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