Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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