At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
