i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
