just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
