On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
