You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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