Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
