I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
