You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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