i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
