why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
