You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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