I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
