I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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