dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
