Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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