I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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