Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
