If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
