I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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