Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize