his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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