so explain again why im purple
no
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
