if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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