drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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