i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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