why didn't you poke me back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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