Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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