I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
