I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
