sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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