Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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