we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
