Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
