I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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