The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
