I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
