Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
