But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize