meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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