"it" just moved
i think i have herpe
just one?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
