haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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