she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Pooping to opera.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
