I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
