how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
