True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
