She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
