Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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