I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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