Non-Jews are for practice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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