When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
