You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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