How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
