he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
