This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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