she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm both gender and math confused
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
