3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
