im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
