not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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