Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
