True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
