That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize