Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
