i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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