saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
