we're blogging at a bar
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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