You really coming over, don't trick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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