Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
