I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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