In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
