my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize