Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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