i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
