Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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