I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
