But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
