I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
