Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
