also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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