every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
