stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
