He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
