I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
