Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
