Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
