The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
