i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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