How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
