Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
