Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
