If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
