so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
