Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
