Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
