Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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