She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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